In 1972 Martin Scorsese shot his first feature film, Boxcar Bertha. One of the films actresses loaned him her copy of "The Last Temptation of Christ" by Nikos Kazantzakis. He decided before he was done reading it that he had to make the film. This book had touched him in a personal way. And although he began work on the film right away it took him sixteen years to finish it. Actors were cast, and locations scouted, and then the film was called off. Multiple times he would get green lights from studios only to have them pull the plug midway through filming. The actor to be the most recast was that of Jesus. The production finally decided upon Willem Dafoe. Filming was done in a constrained schedule. Budget cuts were constant. At one point in the film Scorsese uses the same five roman soldiers to, through camera tricks, make it seem like Jesus is being surrounded.

On the final day of shooting one of the cameras suddenly malfuntioned. The crew was filming a sunset finish of the crucifixion scene, and the camera they were using to shoot that day was faulty. As a result it began to let light into the gate during a take. The film over-exposed and began to melt in the sun. The result when you watched it after was like a blinding light burning your eyes. They left that take in the final movie. That is how the film ends. A blinding light.

When the film was released it caused an enormous amount of controversy. Many countries banned the film and it is still illegal in many countries to even own it. The Catholic church ostricized Scorsese for his portrayl of Christ in the film. Willem Dafoe went on to become a well known film-star. Scorsese has obviously grown into possibly one of the best film-makers of all time. And certainly one of the best of his time. Although his work has always seemed to remain dark and so some glamorous success has eluded him. He has never won an oscar. And although considered great, his controversal films often overshadow his genius.

I finally had the opportunity to watch The Last Tempation of Christ this last week. And as the story unfolded I was immediately grabbed. The story of Jesus, and his short life, has always been most interesting to me of any other story. It has been my anchor in Christianity and the core of my beliefs in life. That Jesus Christ would love me enough to die for me.

And in that moment, watching that film, I started to feel something I'd never felt about Jesus before. I started to feel sorry.

Like a kid would feel sorry when he realizes how precious the plate he just broke was. Or when you make a mistake that hurts a friend. Or disappoint your parents. You just feel sorry. You wish you could take it back.

And sitting there, watching Willem Dafoe hanging on the cross, I started to pray a prayer I've never prayed before. I felt like a man in the crowd that day he died. Just watching from the back. But he hung there for me. And I wish I could take back everything I've ever done. And I started to see my sins on his shoulders that day. Weighing him down. And the seperation from his father that he had to endure. A seperation he had never known before. Forsaken and mocked. Left to die by the people he was saving. People he loved. That he could have told them how many hairs were on their heads.

And watching this film seemed to change the way I looked at Christ. Becuase I was raised in the church I could only see the flanograph. I could only see the illustration in my bible, or watch the passion play at my chruch. I pictured Jesus with a beard and a sheep. Holes in his hands and feet. A sad smile on his face.

I couldn't see the man. And Jesus was a man. And so we come to it.

How is it possible that Jesus could be fully God and fully man? How can you be a man and not sin? Sin is so tangled into our lives that we have to crucify ourselves every day to be holy. We have to make a concious decision to die, every day, so that we can find life. So how do you walk this earth as a human being without sin? How do you love without lust? How do you grow without pride? How can you never despair? Never doubt? Never be greedy, or angry, or say something you don't mean. No lying. No short cuts. If someone hits you, you turn your face so he can hit you again. If someone takes your coat give him your shirt also. If someone makes you go a mile with him, go two. And be perfect. But be human.

And this film explores the life of a normal man who knows that he must be God. That he must preach God and live God and die God. That he would be able to love but not marry. That he could have a home but he must leave it. That he could have disciples but they would never really understand him. And imagine seeing that path before your feet. To see your divinity in your mortality.

And as Jesus walked among us he saw our faults and failures. He saw how we act toward each other. He saw the way we treated his laws and his teachings. He saw our hypocracy and our brokenness. And still he loved us.

The film is a visual essay exploring the necessary conflict involved in being both God and man. Now, understand that this is a human exploration and both the film-makers and the author of the book make it very clear that it is a fictional exlporation. And from the human perspective we can only imagine conflict. We will never know how it must have felt to actually walk the earth as the Son of God. Even in heaven I could not imagine ever having the courage to ask it of Jesus. But perhaps in Heaven things are different, and everything will be made clear.

The second thing I realized as I watched this film, is that regardless of what it must have actually looked like it really happened. A man named Jesus walked the earth many years ago. But in the circular tides of time I don't think Christ's time was much different than ours. Technology is only a different background that time has given us to shine the light of human nature on. People are still the same. And so Christ walks the earth, a simple carpenter's son. He is from somewhere small. And then, after thirty years of being around, he begins to talk. To heal. To change things.

I think that one of my favorite things about the movie is that it comes of as being very authentic. The world is so complete that you do not doubt it. All the Jews have American accents, all the Romans have British accents. And by the end this feels like a real place, and the cross is a real punishment, and these people shouting "Crucify Him!" are just like you and me.

In conclusion, let me tell you the third thing about this film that really touched me. In this fictional telling of Christ's life his first disciple is Judas. Him and Judas meet as Jesus is getting ready to begin to walk his path. Judas thinks that he is the Messiah, come to free Israel from Rome. He thinks that he is a part of a rebellion. As the film progresses Judas comes to love Christ and forsake his plans for a revolt. But the people are still following a messiah. And for some reason, perhaps becuase I'm so churched I never look at context, I never saw the irony of Christ's coming. A people waiting for the messiah that the prophets had promised. Watching the skies. Making their sacrifices. And the dominion of Rome oppressing the people, a starving mass of poor and destitute people. And then along comes a man, and his speaks about love. Rumours of him reach the people long before he does. They say he heals people. Raises the dead. The blind can see, and the lame can walk. He is the Christ. He is the Messiah. He is come to save us from the Romans.

But Jesus has not come to rule, but to serve. He has not come to live, but to die. And so they crucify him. And he speaks not a word. A lamb led to the slaughter. Silent and still. And the people called his name to the government. Crucify Jesus! Give us Barabas! Becuase they felt cheated, they felt tricked. You said you were going to save us from our bondage? You were supposed to be the Messiah!

And hanging on the cross, un-recognizable as a man, is God's son. His gift to the world, the ultimate sacrifice. Bleeding precious blood. The lamb of God. Our salvation. And all their taunting and all their scorn hit him in the face like the punches and lashes. And he prayed and asked for their forgiveness. A thief who defends him at the cross becomes the first to enter by grace. What a sacrifice! What amazing love! How can did we earn such love? How did we inherit such a gift! That our father and maker could love us so much to give us such a sacrifice.

And all that is just small. All that we can see and we can know about the cross is small compared to the spiritual side of it. Like the tip of an ice-berg that goes miles below the surface. Whatever Jesus did on that cross it was terrible. We can never know the full cost of the cross. All we know is that he prayed in the garden that this cup be taken away. He prayed until his sweat was beads of blood. Sobbing to his father this one last request.

Please... take it away. And watching this part of the film I began to cry. Becuase I felt for Him. I wished he could have been spared. I wished I had never sinned. I wish we could have chose life instead of death. That Adam would have just told Eve to leave the apple on the tree. And his words began to burn into my heart like I'd never heard them before. Take up your cross and follow me. Take up your sacrifice. Lose your life to find it. Let you go of your life to have it.

Movies are a very sensitive thing and, like most art, what appeals to some people won't appeal to others. There are some questionable things explored in The Last Tempation of Christ, and the film was controversial for a reason. But I think, to those who would, it may be worth watching. Becuase we are all human, and "human" is the only paints we have to paint the picture of Jesus. Most films stick to what they know because it is a delicate issue to exlore. But this film has courage to walk an interesting path. And if you take it with a little salt, it may be worth the trip.

If anyone is interested in discussing the film further I would love to do so on the message board.